Fighting Your Battles

Do not give up or give in to the scare tactics of the enemy. He wants to break you, and make you think this battle is over before it really is. I am The Lord your God and I cannot lose. We are in this together. Your battles are mine. I will go before you and fight for you. 

Don't trust in what you see, don't stop fighting because you think the enemy has already won. He wants you to think that so your faith will falter. He knows that your faith is a mighty weapon, and if he can destroy your faith he can win. But if your faith is in me, the battle has already been won. Trust in me says The Lord. For I cannot fail. 

Seasons of preparation are never easy, but always worth it. Can you trust me? Can you let go of your logic and trust that I am the God of the impossible? Stop trying to figure it out on your own and just trust that I will make a way out of no way. My power works best in weakness...my grace is all that you need.  What is grace? Grace is the love and mercy given to you by Me because I desire you to have it, not because of anything you have done to earn it. Be at peace my child. This battle is not yours. 

Pleasing God

As a single woman, one of the things that you think about is what it will be like when you're married. You've read a couple of books, listened to quite a few series, and read a couple of popular blogs on the subject. 

When it comes to your relationship with God, you should treat it like a marriage. Because as the church we are in fact his bride. Ephesians 5 goes into great depths on marriage, telling husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. I encourage you to study this chapter inside and out. There is also a part that says "Carefully determine what pleases The Lord." As brides of Christ this should be at the top of our priority list. 

See, when you are new in your walk with Christ or even before you started to truly follow him, you would look at being saved as having to follow a bunch of rules. Many times we associate rules with something that's constricting or just no fun. But let's treat this relationship like a true marriage. If you were married, would you imagine yourself being upset because you could no longer go out with other people? Of course not! You're married, for most of us we wouldn't even desire that! Or if your husband asked you not to put yourself in a compromising position with another man? Maybe it's just me but I would be flattered. Or if he asked you to spend a certain amount if time with him because it is crucial to your marriage lasting? Um, yes please! 

So the question is why can't we give our relationship with God the same type of respect? I'll be completely transparent with you. A couple of months ago I attended a wedding as part of the bridal party. While I'm not going to speak on the subject of drinking as a Christian, I will quote Ephesians 5 where is says "Be not drunk with wine." And you guys, I really wish I had obeyed. But everyone else was "turning up" and since I was already in my feelings because here I was in this tropical place surrounded by couples being all romantic, I just felt left out and lonely. I can say that from the time my plane touched down I completely brushed off spending any real time with God. I mean I was part of the wedding and there was so much to do and not to mention I still needed to fit vacation time in there too. I had my priorities all wrong. So it's no wonder that I was easily persuaded to get drunk the day if the wedding. But that's not the worst part. I didn't remember a whole lot of that night but had to hear from my friends the next morning about how I was dancing all over these guys. I felt horrible. I felt like I had cheated on God with these men. See, I see myself as his bride. And as his bride, do you think my actions were those of a wife? I could literally feel how hurt he was. And as his bride I never want to hurt him. But if we are not spending time with him like we should, then it will be easier for us to fall into sinful situations. Because we don't feel that closeness to him, it will be like out of sight, out if mind. That's why spending time with him daily is so very vital to our relationship. It's kinda like when we hear about the pro ball players who are always cheating on their wives while they are away from home. I'm sure most of them don't start out their marriages intending to be that guy, but many of them have said that the more and more they traveled away from their family it just became easier to give in to those temptations. It's the same way God. I think back to every time I messed up and walked into sin, it was during a time when I was skimping in spending time with my king. 

I challenge you to change the way you look at yourself. You may not be married, but if you are walking with God, you are his bride. You are a wife. You are so special to him. When you begin to see your relationship with God this way, it will change the way you carry yourself. I feel like wives have a certain class and air about them. There's just something special about being someone's chosen one. Well guess what? The bible says that God chose you! And as you begin to see yourself as his bride it will no longer be, "Oh I can't wear this cause I'm supposed to dress like a Christian." It will be, "I don't want to wear this because my husband doesn't want men lusting over my body" and "I don't want to wear this because I don't want to be a distraction to my brother in Christ who is trying to live right." You see, it becomes less about not doing something because you aren't "allowed," and more about letting your love for God or others influence every decision that you make. 

As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. (Ephesians 5:24, 31, 32 NLT)

You are so loved!

What's hindering your blessing?

God honors obedience over sacrifice. What is it that you are not doing that you know God had called you to do? In what area of your life have you not fully surrendered to God? 

Often times we wonder why God doesn't move when we ask him to. But many times it has to do with our own disobedience. He can't move until we do. He is usually waiting on us to obey him in certain areas of our life. So before you think that God is ignoring you, or rejecting you because you "don't have his favor", ask yourself if you are walking in disobedience in any area if your life.

For me, I know that my biggest trouble area is consistently spending time with him. I'm so consumed with what's on tv, what's on social media, what great new book is out, or even spending time with friends that I have often put God on the back burner. And then wonder why he doesn't rush to help me when I'm in trouble. 

With every relationship there needs to be give and take. We can't give God 25% and expect him to give us 100%. He has already made the ultimate sacrifice for which we could never compensate. So it is important to realize that God doesn't owe us anything. Yet he freely gives to those who please him. How concerned are we with pleasing him? Or are we more concerned with pleasing ourselves? 

These are all very real questions that we need to honestly ask ourselves. It can be hard to be truly honest with your self especially if your answer is not considered "right". But just remember God already knows our heart, so don't be afraid of be honest with yourself because it is for your own benefit. God desires to help us, and he loves when we come to him with our short comings and ask him to help change us to be more like him. 

I want to challenge you to address whatever area of your life that you are  not walking in obedience. Don't just try to change, but do it. Make a plan and stick to it. Ask God to help you and give you strength. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. 

There was a man named Jabez who was more honorable than any of his brothers. His mother named him Jabez because his birth had been so painful. He was the one who prayed to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and expand my territory! Please be with me in all that I do, and keep me from all trouble and pain!” And God granted him his request. (1 Chronicles 4:9, 10 NLT)

It's so simple. He was honorable [God was pleased with him] so God answered his prayers. 

Be obedient, be blessed! 

Have Faith

Some say that their faith is all they have left. But faith is all you need. It is  powerful beyond measure. He who places ALL his trust in The Lord will never be disappointed in the end. 

Trust his words and believe in them. He will do what he said he will do. God will give you a car. He will give you more income. He will fix your credit. He will give you a house. He will give you a Godly man. He will make you the head and not the tail. Above and not beneath. 

Rest your hope in Him. He is the only one who is dependable. He is your source. TRUST without wavering. Ignore what you see and trust what you do not. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. 

Trust that not only is God able, but he is also willing. 

You are his apple. 

Be Encourageed

Today you argued with your sister about your faith in Christ. As the enemy spoke through her to try and break you down and break you of your faith, she questioned what God has really done for you. Called you brainwashed. Implied that your life was so messed up that how could you believe that God has done anything for you. Your brother even said the same thing once. 

Just remember, the first shall be last and the last shall be first. Don't fret, God is always in COMPLETE control. He has allowed the doubters and the nay-sayers to see you at your worst so that he could set the platform for him to work his miracle in your life. Your life will be a great testimony to the faithless. When this happens, they will have no choice but to give the glory to God. 

Smile, because God is going to take you to high places. Places you could never dream of. Your life has more purpose than you realize. He has his hands on you. Everything that you think you lost, you will see as a gain because it brought you closer to where God wanted you to be. 

So don't allow anyone to make you feel as though God has abandoned you. Remember, they are only following their father which is the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and rulers of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 

Never mind when the enemy sends someone to try and trick you with high sounding nonsense and empty philosophies. Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven. It is better to have knowledge of the things of Christ which will never pass away, than to obtain all the knowledge of this world which pertains to things and ideas that will soon perish. 

Don't cry, have joy for your Heavenly Father is here for you. He knows exactly what you need and when you need it. Nothing is impossible or too hard for him. He IS love. And you are the apple of his eye. Don't stop praying, but pray even more earnestly. God is with you. HE will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. 

He loves you forever blessed one! 

Nice to meet you!

I'm Ruth Hana (Hah-nah). My name means Companion, Friend, Vision of Beauty, Favor, and Grace. 

I'm 29 years old and I reside in Atlanta Georgia. I am totally on fire for God. He is the love of my life and the air that I breathe. It's so cool to be at this place in my life where I crave him. If I haven't spent time with him, I miss him. 

A lot of what I will be blogging about will be in the form of letters to myself. Lately over the past few days, God has placed it on my heart to write letters to myself so that I can go back and read them and constantly be encouraged. These will be things that God is speaking to me, for me, and hopefully for some of you as well. I will be completely transparent and open with my readers. 

Cool facts: 

I am a PinkyPromise sister.

I am a born again virgin, in other words, I have not always honored God with my body but I made a decision to do so after completely surrendering my life to him. 

I am a travel addict. 

I am Single, not looking, waiting on God. 

I am usually a very private and introverted person. But I feel God leading me to share my story. 

I believe everything in the Bible is the ultimate truth. 

My Background:

Life in the beginning - My mother was only 20 when she had me. She was already the mother of one. At the age of 18 she had been involved in an affair with a much older married man. He lied and told her he was getting divorced from his wife. But once he found out she was pregnant he took off back to his home state and back to his wife. He then tried to get her to have an abortion. But thankfully she did not. She had my sister, and soon after met my father, the man who would ultimately break her heart. She would soon find herself again pregnant and dumped by a man she thought loved her. Feeling very depressed, rejected, and unloved my mother decided she wanted to kill herself. When she told my father this he only reacted with "well have the baby first." Thankfully his mother, my Grandmother, talked my mom out of doing anything crazy. She also talked to her about getting into church. For this I will be forever grateful. 

Life growing up - My mother ended up meeting the man who would ultimately become my stepfather shortly after I was born. They married and had two kids and we became one blended family of six. I can honestly say I am so grateful for my stepfather. He treated me and my sister like his own. He also never abused us in any way, which was rare among our peers. We heard so many horror stories of girls getting molested by men in their home. We never had that father daughter relationship, and even though my biological father was in my life, I didn't have it with him either. I love them both dearly but I would be lying if I said I was lacking in that area of my life growing up. My stepfather and I didn't really talk. He would tell us what to do and sometimes I would ask for things. But to sit down and really converse, that didn't happen. My biological father would come and get me for visits to his house but they became less and less the older I got and soon enough there would be months where I didn't even hear from him. It's like he stopped making an effort. So I just accepted it for what it was. I even convinced myself that it didn't bother me that I had a lack of a father figure. I remained close to my paternal grandparents though. They gave me that escape that I needed. Often times at home I felt the middle child syndrome so going to my grandparents house made me feel special. They spoiled me because I was their first grandchild and the only one who loved to come and visit. 

So in a way, my grandfather was sort of a father figure to me. 

Life in the church - My family started attending church regularly when I was around 3 or 4. I still remember the songs we sang in children's church and even our teachers. I thank God for that foundation and would later realize how important it would be. After moving across town my family started attending a different church which they would continue to attend for the next 20 years or so. Things started out great, but in many ways I feel that the influence this church had on my family and my faith were detrimental to my falling away from God later on in life. Growing up we were sheltered. This has a lot to do with some of the things my mom faced growing up as well as some of the church influence. I was pulled out of the public school system after 1st grade. I then attended the Christian school at my church which only had about 10-15 students. It felt a lot like we lived in a bubble. Everything in our social life revolved around the church.  When I hit puberty at the age of 11 and begin to resemble a grown woman was when I started to feel scrutinized for the way I looked. I was constantly being told that my clothes were too tight, or immodest. When in reality I was just a curvy girl and couldn't help that my curves were now visible. For this reason people in my church labeled me as the fast one. So I was never invited to babysit their kids, go to certain sleepovers, or accompany my friends on family vacations. The pastor's wife actually told her niece that she was not allowed to email me because my email address had the words HotDiva in it. I was 15, liked sparkly furry things that has the words diva, hottie, cute, or whatever was cool at that time. And after all that judgement I was one of the few girls there who made it to the age of 18 still a virgin. I was 21 before I even kissed a boy. I didn't know how much those labels would affect me down the line. Needless to say, once I moved out of my mothers house and went off to college in a different city I gave up going to church. I almost felt like I needed a break. From what I saw, most of the girls were living like everyone else who didn't go to church and the ones who weren't were gossiping about and judging everyone who walked through the door. I felt like there was so much of an emphasis on what I was wearing and whether it not I was listening to Nsync or whatever, it just all started to feel like a joke. We weren't even allowed to wear tank tops. I just wanted to feel normal again. I never doubted that God was real but I knew there had to be more to Christianity than what I was exposed to. I was too shy to visit any churches near me on my own so I started to backslide. I met some new friends and decided I would come back to God after I had had some fun. I went to clubs for the first time, I got drunk for the first time, went on a couple of dates. I would even lie and say I had a on again off again boyfriend just so I could feel like I fit in. I lied about not being a virgin. I was really enjoying the normalcy that I was feeling. I didn't care what I was giving up at the time. I even started to wear really revealing clothes just because I could. I had dabbled in pornography since I was younger but now that I had my freedom I was watching it regularly. Which in turn made me feel like I just had to have sex. I decided it was unrealistic to wait til marriage since I hadn't even had a boyfriend yet. And further more it was God's fault for giving me these desires. Sadly I had put God in a box on a shelf and had no intentions of bringing him out anytime soon. Sin is only pleasurable for a season. 

Life at rock bottom - Rock bottom for me started when I begin struggle financially. I had agreed to go on a trip for spring break with my friends. But unfortunately I was just a couple of hundred dollars short. Well in one of the dumbest decisions I've ever made, I decided to quit my job so that I could get my accumulated vacation time in one lump sum. Turns out I had a great time on my trip. But I cost me more than I bargained for. Upon returning I had maybe 2 or 3 weeks to find a job so I could have to money for my rent. I had already taken out a title loan on my car, which the car was now sitting in the parking lot because it died and I couldn't afford to get it fixed. I was lucky enough to have a few interviews. By this time I decided I was going to go to my last resort, it was time to get God off the shelf because I needed help. I prayed and asked for forgivness, asked him to come back into my heart, and asked him to let me find a job so I could pay my rent. Soon after I was called in to interview at a large hotel chain. I didn't even make it past the screening. They sent me home and I was devastated. More so, I was angry at God. How could he let this happen? Didn't he care at all that I was out of options and about to sell my soul for $300 an hour? I became bitter and hardened my heart to do what I thought I had to do. I responded to the ad on Craigslist that I had been contemplating  for some time. The ad was looking for escorts. The woman was nice and I actually thought she was my friend. I initially thought that I would only need to go on dates and be eye candy. But she told me I would be expected to have sex with the clients, and my preconceived notions were not realistic. She told me I would be paid $300 per person per hour, and that I would need to give her $100 per hour. She gave me a name and took my pictures and told me to show up the next day. I decided I would only doing it for a day or two until I had money to pay my bills. I walked right into the enemy's trap. The first day was horrible. I had only had sex one time before that day and that only lasted 2 minutes. So to say I was inexperienced would be an understatement. I remember feeling less than a trash bag and turning my head away in tears because I didn't think I would survive the day. I had 3 appointments back to back that day. And by the time I left I didn't even feel like myself anymore. I couldn't wait to go home and shower and wash the men off of me. That day I left with more than enough to pay my rent but decided I should do it a little longer and save up my money so I would never have to work again. Even as I cried on the way home I blamed God, saying it was his fault for not helping me, so I decided I would once again turn my back on God. Escorting became easier and easier as I enjoyed the overflow of money, I had never had so much money in my life. I was grateful that this woman had given me a chance when no one else would. I was able to keep this part of my life hidden from my friends and family. For nearly a year. During the course of this year I learned to disconnect myself from what I was doing by saying when I'm at work I'm Carmen. But when I'm at home, I'm Ruth. Carmen has had sex with lots of men, Carmen is a prostitute, Ruth is not. I also had my first real boyfriend during the course of this time. I decided one night that I was sick of being single and wanted a boyfriend. I also told myself I didn't care if he ended up breaking my heart I just wanted to feel something. So I went searching for a boyfriend on social media. I sent out friend requests to any good looking men who were listed as single. Within minutes I had secured a date with this fine man named Anthony and so I descended further into rock bottom. I had absolutely no respect for myself by then so when he pushed to have sex on the first night we met I didn't care. I have him everything, I even began to feel so guilty about my double life that I started searching for a real job. It was hard because no one would call me back. Anthony and I had some rocky times, I knew he was cheating on me but didn't feel that I could truly fault him since technically every time I went to work I was doing the sane thing. About six months into our relationship and nearly one year after I had started escorting I was arrested in a vice sting operation. The officer posed as a client and when he left the room to let in the arresting officers I thought something else was going on and that I was about to be killed. Those few short moments really brought into perspective the amount of danger I put myself in and how God was still protecting me even in my rebellion. I thank God I had a praying mother. I coulda also ended up working for one of those crazed pimps who beat you and force you to work. Even in the ugliest situations I see how God was watching over me. I was arrested and spent the night in jail where I met an individual whose testimony of faith would touch my life and countless others. But I will touch on that later. While I was sitting in jail I realized how far I had come from the person I should have been. It was one of those moments in my life that I feel was a pivotal turning point for me. I vowed to cut all ties with this woman and never sale my body to men ever again. Luckily around this time I received student refund money from my school and was able to survive the next couple of weeks without a job. My boyfriend ended up bailing me out if jail but he was pissed because he knew what I had really done. Destroying the picture he had of me in his head forever. Even though I lied and made up some story about the charges being fake and that I was really only arrested because one of my friends had weed in my car. I know he never truly believed me. But I also knew that even though I cheated on him for pay, he cheated on me for free all the time. We continued to be together for 3 more months, but then broke up when I found evidence of him still cheating on me on his computer. It was so hard to walk away from this relationship and as heartbroken as I was, I was relieved that he was no longer my problem. I no longer had to deal with those trust issues, and I didn't have to look forward to a future of uncertainty with a man I didn't trust. 

Life anew - Around a year later, I had still not completely surrendered to God. But I was working towards it. One day my sister called me at work and told me she had something like a dream and this dark figure told her to stop praying for me because I was going to end up in hell anyway. It was right then and there at work where I dropped to my knees and told God I was ready to surrender to him and I wanted him to come back into my heart. I started back attending church. And while my walk has not been perfect. I've still messed up a lot, but I have grown more and more each day in my walk. This was over 4 years ago. I am happy to say that I am walking with The Lord and allowing him to use me.

Life with purpose - I know I still have a long way to go but I feel so much purpose in my life that I never felt before. I have dealt with homelessness, poverty, and experienced the ugliness that is the sex industry. God has given me a heart to serve and I am heavily involved at my church. God has given me a heart for those who have struggled with the same things I have. I have never told my story before but I feel I need to tell it now. I have experience God like never before in just the past two years. I can't wait to see where he takes me from here. My relationship with God is truly the greatest love story I have ever known. He is my king. I used to go looking for love, even in the church. But now, I have learned to allow God to fill those voids and I am so complete, so healed, so loved by him.